Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I Come by it Honestly

I've been thinking more about this control freak streak in me. Maybe the reason that I don't also show that type-A perfectionist side is because there's a difference between being very opinionated (which I definitely am), and a true control freak who must do everything her way to be sure it's right. In the end, I don't really mind if Terry cleans the bathtub or does laundry in his own special way. I certainly do not redo it (as someone who has a passion for perfection might). I'm glad that it's done. I just want to have the right to complain and critique as to how it might have been done better.

I also was thinking that I come by it honestly, as they say. My dad also is highly opinionated. We both speak as experts on most topics, and of course we are not experts on everything. We are just confident in what we do know and express it easily (and probably loudly).

I think I've passed on the gene to Amanda as well. She is generally pretty respectful of us as grownups, however once when we were discussing a specific behavior that needed to be changed, she said that she didn't understand why I could do what I wanted, and she couldn't. Most of our conflict stems from the fact that deep down she thinks that she is right in her thoughts, her process or actions. There are times that we have told her not to do something, and her need to be right or to do it her way, overrules her desire to obey. And when we're discussing it later, she admits it.

It will probably help me to understand that she is modeling opinionated, self-confident behavior that she's seen from me for almost 8 years, just like I model the same behavior that I saw from my dad. Just as I need to learn to control my opinions sometimes, so does she, and we'll both keep working towards that.

In honor of my new resolve, I'll "let" Terry clean the bathtubs this weekend.

5 comments:

Jeannine said...

I do refold the laundry properly when no one else is looking. :-)

Katrina said...

Hmm...Good things to think about. I'd have to say that Camden is much like Amanda, and, as in your case, he probably picks much of it up by watching me (and Chad, who is also very opinionated). Keeping in mind that my behavior rubs off on him is certainly good motivation to keep things in check and to learn how to both deal with my own tendencies and help him learn how to do the same.

Stan (Jennifer's Dad) said...

Jennifer,
Of course I know that I am highly opinionated and a true control freak (just ask Susan). I still think that I am somewhat of an expert on most subjects. Seriously though, after reading your post I will try to control my opinions more often. However, it is more difficult to teach an old dog to modify his behavior.

Ronda (Stan's Co-worker) said...

In reply to Stan's comment, I agree, he is very opinionated BUT when he is wrong he says we are just not communicating. I am not sure who is NOT communicating but, as a type-A personality, I certainly could not be the one with the faulty communication skills. As far as housework is concerned I have to admit, I can not handle anyone loading my dishwasher or doing the laundry and I just recently gave up organizing my husband's underware by size and color. No control freaks here.

Jennifer said...

My friend informed me that she knew someone just like that--her husband, and that the term is really "know it all." That doesn't sound so nice.