Thursday, July 20, 2006

Getting What I Deserve

The last couple of days I have been feeling a little discouraged and guilty about some poor choices that led to some problems. I deserve them, because I made the choices, so I have to suffer the consequences.

I took my grandmother (in-law) to the airport Tuesday, and dropped her curbside, as she requested. That's how she always travels; that's how I usually drop people off. Kyle is an active two year old and there are many places I'd rather be than waiting in an airport with him, and on top of that Amanda was sick. As I drove off, there was this thought in the back of my head that I really should have parked and seen her in and made sure she was checked in and everything. I found out two hours later, when I was home, that her flight was cancelled. Ugh! I felt badly. My husband felt badly. I couldn't shake it. But it was done. She is so easy going that she didn't even call me to come get her (which also made me feel badly). She said that Amanda needed to be resting at home, which was probably true. The airport takes about 2 hours to get there (because of some bridge work) and an hour and a half to get home, and she didn't want to bother us. By the time I talked to her, her flight was rescheduled and she was resting in the airport hotel waiting for her flight the next day.

The other thing has to do with Amanda's sickness. She has an infection on her skin. Should I have taken her to the doctor sooner? It was the weekend, I didn't think it was infected, and when it got bad, we took her. She felt pretty poorly Monday and Tuesday, but she's much better now that the antibiotics are working. I am dealing with her suffering and she causes me to suffer with the melodrama over brushing and fixing her hair, since the rash is right near her scalp behind her ear.

The next time I take an old person or a young person to the airport, I will make sure that their plane is taking off. I need to accept her lack of condemnation, Jesus' forgiveness, and get over it. But I knew that in both of these cases, I had some responsibility there that I somehow shirked, with unfavorable results. But there's a point when I just have to say, "lesson learned," and move on.

But then I got something I didn't deserve in the way of encouragement from the Lord, from those of you out in blogland, from real life friends. . . . I am not usually very sympathetic to people having pity parties, but Tuesday night I was having one! Wednesday morning, I awoke to find an email from Iris at Sting My Heart saying that she wanted to use my post in her Christian Women Online blog post for Thursday. She liked what I had to say, it touched her, and she was able to springboard from it for her own post. That was encouraging to me as a blogger, because I do hope that the words I am putting out there reach someone in some way. I love the CWO blog. It's encouraging and highlights Christian blogging women, so check it out for yourself.

The point I reached is that God is so much more generous than we can imagine. There's no way that I would have expected such a bold answer to my lame pity party of inadequacy in the blog realm. It was undeserved, but it was appreciated, and maybe it was needed. I really want to feel confident in the work I'm doing, regardless of "results," and I want to continue to let God lead me. The ironic thing is that the post that Iris linked to, Do You Need a Tune Up? was what I wrote that night when I was trying to forget my troubles and remind myself of the gift that God has given me, and the wonder of being able to write in the blogosphere and be read by anyone at all. It's a gift. Deserved or undeserved, I love it.


Tammy said...

Jennifer I have been there. Guilt for coming up short in so many ways. But you were right on target when you said that though we sometimes have to live with the outcome of bad choices, God always gives us what we don't deserve...His forgiveness and mercy.

So let me further encourage you by saying that this post really ministered to me!


eph2810 said...

I truly enjoyed the post on Tuesday night. You see, if you haven't left a comment, I wouldn't have visit and read the awesome post.
I truly believe that God leads to do thing, to write things just in the right moment. You are too kind linking to CWO and Sting my Heart.

Regarding your little mis-happens this week. You have the right attitude about them. We all make mistakes and ask ourself the questions, what if....But we do make mistakes to learn from them. The next time, you will do it differently.

Dianne said...

I tend to beat myself up often too, especially lately. But thanks for the reminder that God can work through even our mistakes.

I was tickled to see your post featured on CWO! I love how they showcase different women's blogs . .. and then I'm like - Hey, I know that blog! Excellent.

Katrina said...

There are so many things that I end up feeling guilty or regretful over... But they are often the perfect opportunity to experience the grace of God and of others. Without mess-ups, how would we know our need of, or appreciation of, grace?

And I'm so glad you were featured at CWO. Iris was right - it was a great post, and I'm sure it spoke to many people!

e-Mom said...

Yes, we are reading, and enjoying your thoughtfulness!