How Old are You, Really?

In A Circle of Quiet, Madeleine L'Engle examines the writing process, or the heart of an artist, among many other topics (upon which I will comment throughout the week).

This was not presented as a writing exercise, but I happened to be in Panera last week with the sole purpose of finishing this book and perhaps doing some exercises from a writing book I recently enjoyed, when I came across these thoughts, I had to test my own ability in this area:

I am still every age that I have been. Because I was once a child, I am always a child. Because I was once a searching adolescent, given to moods and ecstasies, these are still a part of me, and always will be. . . . Far too many people misunderstand what putting away childish things means, and think that forgetting what it is like to think and feel and touch and smell and taste and see and hear like a three-year-old or a thirteen-year-old or a twenty-three-year old means being a grownup. . . . Instead of which, if I can retain a child's awareness and joy, and be fifty-one {thirty-six}, then I will really learn what it means to be a grownup. I still have a long way to go (pps 199-200).

The Three Year Old

"Yea! The coffee store!" I always get a pumpkin muffie, my favorite. Maybe chocolate milk, too? One time Mommy bought me chocolate milk. I love chocolate milk. I like it when we come here when we are the only ones here. I can run. I love to run!! Oops. Mommy doesn't like me to run. She looks mad. She wants me to come stand by her. "Sorry, Mommy." She's got the tray. I see chocolate milk! I will go to our table. The seat is high, but I am big, so I can get in myself. "Thank you, Mommy." Oh the muffie is so good. I lick the sugar off the top first. It tickles my nose.

The Thirteen Year Old

Panera Bread--that's cool--but with my family? I hope that there's no one here I know. Well, maybe if Shawna was here, or Risa, we could sit by ourselves, not with our families. That wouldn't be too embarrassing. I wonder if she'll let me get coffee. I've had coffee before. It's kind of good, with milk and lots of sugar. Mochas--now those I really like, especially with whipped cream, but I know she won't get me one of those. "Too expensive" she always says. " Can I have a chocolate chip cookie. . .and a mocha?" "Okay. Whatever. Just a cookie, and a Coke then. Am I allowed to have a Coke, at least?" I knew she would say no. My little brother is so wild. I'm sure that I was never allowed to act that way. My friends all think he's cute. He's kind of fun to play with sometimes, though. Sometimes I wish I could just act like that sometimes. Shawna and Risa and I act like that when they're sleeping over---if no one else is around. We can be really crazy. "Oh--thanks for the Coke. Hey, Mom, there's Shannon! Can I go say 'hi?' "

The Twenty-Three Year Old

I'm glad that John invited me to meet everyone at Panera. This place is so great. The music is so quiet and relaxing. I wonder what the deal is. I wonder if it's just a coffee thing, or if people are getting dinner? Maybe everyone else went to dinner without me. Or maybe they are all planning to get dinner after. I don't want to look stupid if I order the wrong thing. I should have asked John for more details. Guys never give details. That chocolate brownie thing is really good with the raspberries. Maybe Jane will order one. She's so thin, and she never cares what anyone thinks. She would probably share with me. "Oh, hi guys." "Nope, I'm the first one here." I should have sat in my car or something. Everyone else is always so busy and just rushing in. I'm the loser who is early because I have nothing better to do. I wonder who else is coming? Alex and Trey are cool. I don't really remember their other friend's name who came in with them. I hope that they introduce us. He's pretty cute, and I think he's a lawyer. I hope I look okay. I don't know how I feel about these new shoes. "Hey John! Hi Susan." I'm glad that Susan came. When will Jane get here? "Oh, y'all are ordering dinner? Yeah, I hadn't thought about it, but I probably will too. I really like the salads here." And that brownie. I really hope Jane gets a brownie. Here she comes.

And I would say that The Thirty-Six-Year Old does contain elements of all three:

I've never tried a latte here, but the Colombian coffee is so great with the half and half, and I get free refills so that definitely works. Hopefully I'll be here long enough to enjoy some free refills. I hope that Kyle doesn't embarrass me. "Kyle. No, Kyle. Come over here by Mommy." Thank goodness there's really no one else here, so I don't have to worry about what everyone else thinks. He'll be fine once we sit down with his muffie. I really should try something else sometime, but the cinnamon crunch bagel with the maple walnut cream cheese is so good. I hope that I don't see anyone I know. I just want to read and write and be alone. Let's see if our regular table is available. "C'mon, Kyle. I have your muffie!" Oh this coffee is going to really hit the spot.