Monday, February 23, 2009

I Missed Him Again

This year in BSF we've been studying the Life of Moses. It's my second time to tackle this study, and while Leviticus and Numbers can be a bit dry, I prayed that the personal applications would be rich for me, and they have been.

However, I have felt like I was flagging. I wanted to rekindle something in my relationship with God. I have attended two other BSF leaders' retreats, and they have been definite mountaintop experiences, so I was looking forward to this one to hit the spot -- and it did.

We studied Jesus as revealed in Revelation, and about halfway through the weekend, it hit me. These verses reminded me of what was missing:
"In the past, God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son (Hebrews 1:1-2a)."
And then of course I remembered that I had shared that same revelation here in May 2006.

I Missed Jesus

Recently I had been feeling a little bit of a spiritual slump. I had been reading the Word, praying, doing Bible study, attending church, but there was something missing. I wasn't feeling devoted when I read my devotionals. I know not to judge my own spiritual conditions by feelings, because God is unchanging, but I did know that something was lacking. I couldn't quite figure it out.

But then one thing hit me. I felt that I had some sort of unconfessed sin that was interfering with my ability to pray. I had a time of confession, mostly confessing my lackadaisical attitude towards my time with God, and felt that helped me feel more connected.

Then on Sunday, my pastor preached from Matthew. Hearing the words and Jesus and the impact of His actions set something else off in mind: I missed Jesus! Being involved in two organized weekly Bible study not only keeps me reading the Word, but also studying and applying it. However, I've been studying Genesis all year, I'm currently studying Philippians, and I had been focusing on a couple of Paul's epistles in any personal Bible reading I was doing.

I realized that even though Jesus is on every page of the Bible, including Genesis, there was something better about hearing it straight from the source. So, this week, I began reading Matthew, and it seems to be filling that void.

Once I realized what had been feeling wrong, it got me to thinking that I probably miss Jesus more than I should. I miss the opportunity to share the work He's done in me; I miss the grace offered by another Christian; I miss the wonder of a new day dawning. What's the most disturbing is when I go about my daily life and don't miss Him for days on end.

I'm thankful that I have God's word to turn to again and again. I'm thankful that even when I don't miss Jesus, He's missing me and will draw my heart back to His.

Thank you, Jesus, for all you've done in me and for me and through me. Keep my eyes open so I don't miss what you are doing.


Dianne said...

Great post Jennifer. I think missing Jesus in the sense you were can perhaps be a good thing . . . a welcome warning flag of sorts. But sometimes I think it's possible to "miss" him, as in miss what he's doing, etc. just because we're not paying attention to begin with. Lots of food for thought here - thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Ellie said...

Isn't amazing, when that miracle happens, when you hear something you can feel. I am at that place in my life as well, and happy to be. Remember he is always with you waiting for you.

Melissa @ Breath of Life said...

Great post! I've been there myself lately.

Melissa @ Breath of Life said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katrina said...

Thanks for sharing this insight, Jennifer. I'm glad that you were aware of the fact you were missing something, and sensitive to what it might be -- so that when it was presented to you, you recognized it and jumped on it! I agree that we can't judge our relationship w/ God by our own (oh-so-fallen) feelings, but sometimes those feelings are a prompting and it's very cool to see you respond the way you did.

Kelly said...

I love reading your posts about BSF study. After moving 5 years ago, I am no longer near a study:(

Love your new look!